The First of Many Christmases
by AshxGary
Summary: The last time Shigeru gave Satoshi a Christmas present was six years ago, before their rivalry flared up. On the night before Christmas, he aims to bring those days back and maybe, just maybe, set something more in motion. Palletshipping, Shishi, AshGary


Note 1: Both Satoshi and Shigeru are sixteen years old in this story.

Note 2: Story is told from Shigeru's PoV (point of view).

Disclaimer: I wish I owned the Pocket Monsters / Pokémon franchise for an innumerable number of reasons, but I unfortunately do not. No money is, or will ever, be made off of this story.

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The First of Many Christmases

* * *

"This isn't happening!" I growl with considerable irritation that eats away at my words. I fiercely glare at myself in the bathroom mirror and contemplate whether my busting of the mirror would go unnoticed by all the singing and chatting guests downstairs. The unrelenting jolliness had dug beneath my skin like Dugtrio hours ago and only served to nourish my aggravation.

Two knocks bounce from my closed bathroom door to my ears, followed by the upbeat voice of gramps, "Shigeru, you've been in there now for over _three_ hours. Come downstairs and mingle."

"I can't gramps!" I sharply say back to him as my scowl deepens. I hear him try to turn the doorknob, but the lock prevents him. Good. I don't want him to see me like this.

"This is utterly ridiculous, Shigeru," he begins with a voice that is clearly exasperated. "He's been asking about you. The two of you hardly ever get the chance to see each other in person, and now, on a day that the two of you happen to not only been in the same town, but the same _house_, you go and lock yourself in the bathroom!"

My teeth dig down into my lower lip and I notice faint traces of blood. Oh smart move! "I won't let him see me like this!" I vehemently throw back at him.

I imagine gramps is probably tossing his hands and eyes in an upward motion and asking for strength from Myuu when he sends back, "You're just having a bad hair day! That's all!"

Talk about the understatement of the millennium! I wonder if Foodin's psychic abilities would be strong enough to whip my rogue hair back into line…

"Alright… I'm not about to bust down this door and drag you downstairs in front of the entire town. When you come down, you come down," I hear gramps concede in a defeated tone.

I can't help but chuckle at the idea of gramps kicking down the door and tugging me along _anywhere_. I go _where_ I want to go _when_ I want to go.

My short-lived smile dies quickly when I return my attention to my hair. It's taunting me, I just know it is. It's spiking in all the wrong spots and the length of the spikes are either too short or too long. I catch a few of the many rebellious tendrils begin to dangle menacingly close to my right eye, and I forcefully run my hand through my thick hair to cut off a potential attack on my eye.

"Nice try!" I sneer.

My hands are coated with _several_ layers of gel. Yet it seems I'm going to have to pull out the heavy duty, hard hitting ammunition tonight.

_My_ hair, although tonight I _almost_ wish more than anything it was someone _else's_ hair, being so close to my brain, must have heard my previous thought, because now, it is sticking out in hideous clumpson the right side of my head.

"Someone hates me," I groan as I exhale heavily and shake my head before resuming what is _easily_ the toughest battle of my life.

`~~***~~`

I hear the grandfather clock downstairs chime nine o'clock as I emerge from the battlefield that is my bathroom. My arms ache and my endurance is depleted. I had fought my hair to a stalemate, but at least now it did not look like a family of Poppos had been nesting in my hair for a couple of weeks. I had checked my form-fitting, collared emerald green shirt before leaving the bathroom, ensuring that my half of the monster ball that Satoshi and I had caught together six years ago was visible. I had left the top two buttons of my collared shirt unbuttoned, creating a somewhat imperfect but close "v" shape that housed my monster ball necklace. I had also checked my lavender pants to ensure there were no marks.

"I think… no, I _know_ I'm ready for this," I confidently tell myself. I feel anxiety soak my body, but I also feel as if I am standing on a diving board, ready to jump into a pool of refreshing relief. Tonight, I _will_ know.

I come down the stairs with a spring in my step, somewhat fortunate my excitement does not culminate with the breaking of my neck and the total annihilation of my smooth and slick image in the eyes of everyone that lived and had come to visit town. The spacious living room seemed a lot less… _spacious_ tonight. It is swamped with babbling guests and overflowing with glasses of eggnog and apple cider. Familiar seasonal songs fill the already full room but are promptly killed as people that apparently _think_ they can sing bludgeon the songs into catatonic cacophony with defective tuning forks.

I hate parties. People should party alone… or at least _away _from _me_.

My eyes hop from person to person, eagerly attempting to locate the one and only face that matters to me in a room that is displaying dozens upon dozens of faceless faces. I make a few, quick jerks to the left and right in order to avoid any careless strikes to my _hair_ as people move about while I make my way to gramps. Like so many others, he too has donned a Santa cap.

"Hey gramps," I say to him as he takes a sip of eggnog near our blue and white Christmas tree.

"Shigeru! Better late than never…" he begins with a smile that quickly evaporates. "…or not," he finishes by clamping his lips together.

My eyebrow inches upwards, but I shrug it off, assuming that gramps isn't happy I spent more than half the party barricaded in the bathroom. I do another quick search of the animated room in search of Satoshi.

"Where's…" I begin, but find myself cut off.

"He left with his mother a little while ago."

"He left… al-already? But… it's early!" I can't help but stutter, shout and shake my head in disbelief as surprise strikes me across the face like a wayward monster ball.

Gramps looks at me, and seems to smile in amusement before he says, "you know Satoshi. That boy tends to do everything with such _fervor_…" he says as he motions with a clenched fist, "…and that includes eating."

"Don't tell me…" I grumble with a slow shake of my head.

"Yes… stomach ache."

My hopeful ocean blue eyes drain, press upwards and I again shake my head. My lips go flat, as do my spirits. I silently repeat, "someone hates me."

"Shigeru, would you mind doing me a favor?"

My empty eyes are on the hordes of people. Why couldn't just _one_ face… just _one_… be Satoshi's? With little interest and a dejected voice, I reply, "yeah… sure."

"Would you go over to the Tajiri's home and watch over Satoshi so that Hanako can come back to the party? I know that she is concerned about her son, but I also know that she was very much looking forward to this annual Christmas party.

I look back at gramps faster than any pocket monster performing a quick attack. My eyes light up and a smile breaks across my face. "Listening to Satoshi bellyache for hours on end about how he shouldn't have eaten this or eaten that isn't exactly how I intended to spend my Christmas Eve… but, I'll make the sacrifice."

Gramps nods and smiles too. "Well…" he starts slowly, "…get going!"

I quickly turn, but stop myself halfway. I glance back at gramps and say, "thanks."

He nods again, his smile remains strong, and I wonder for a moment if gramps knows just how important this night is to me.

"You don't have to call. I'll see you in the morning."

I swallow hard. Well, I guess I have my answer… and, his approval.

That's one hurdle down.

I hurry off in the direction of the stairs.

`~~***~~`

With my gift for Satoshi safely resting over my shoulder in my brown knapsack and my royal purple coat shielding me from Old Man Winter's marshmallow world, I step out onto the shoveled path that leads off the property and to the sidewalk. The sky above me is decorated with irregular patches of lighter and darker shades of blue. The stars are plentiful and shimmer like diamonds.

I smile, warmer than I should be in such a frigid and frosty world.

`~~***~~`

I'm a fast walker, but tonight, I'm an especially fast walker.

I'd run, but if I should slip and fall, that would give my _hair_ an excuse to call off the truce we have. Worse yet, I could damage Satoshi's gift, and that was _not_ a risk worth taking.

I could now see Satoshi's modest home, with a thin layer of grayish smoke slowly rising from the brick chimney. As I approach, I can't help but stop and smile at the snowman in the front yard.

The snowman that I built with Satoshi.

On the snowman's head, instead of a black top hat, sits Satoshi's very first cap that he wore when he set out on his journey to become a master trainer. Between the top and center snowballs hangs my green and yellow pendant. The buttons on the snowman are red and white, the same colors found on a monster ball. The scarf boasts the colors of yellow, red and black: Pikachuu's colors.

It had been ages since we built a snowman together.

Would we build something else, together, tonight? Something much more than a snowman, that will vanish come the spring?

"Not going to find out out here," I tell myself_._

I pass the open gate that's a part of the white fence that surrounds the home and step up to the door. Hanging on the door is a beautiful wreath that is decorated with a gorgeous transparent bow that glistens with gold and silver glitter and is surrounded by gold and silver tree twigs, pine cones, berries and fruit. I appreciate the stunning colors and decorations spread across the wreath before I press the door bell. I did not have to wait long for the door to open, revealing Hanako's cheery face and her pink sweater with puffy collar in the front.

"Shigeru! What a pleasant surprise!" she exclaims with a joyful smile. "Please come in!"

I step in the warm house as she steps back. "Thank you, Mrs. Tajiri," I say with a smile as I promptly and diligently wipe my boots and then shut the door behind me. I then remove my coat and hang it on the partially-clothed coat rack.

My nose picks up the pleasant smell of gingerbread, probably coming from the candles that are lit throughout the house in little glass jars.

"Would you like a few Christmas cookies?" she offers with smile that never seems to melt.

On my right, there is a square, wooden hall table decorated with colorful and cheery Christmas cards. The cards surround a plate of frosted cookies in the shape of Odoshishi.

"Sure, thanks," I say as I take one. Even though Butterfree were beginning to flock to my stomach, I didn't want to take the chance of hurting her feelings. I take a bite and smile. Not surprisingly, it tastes quite good! It's a delicious, crispy sugar cookie. I swallow my first bite and I begin searching for the words to let her know that I would stay with Satoshi so that she could return to the party. It was such a simple, innocent and generous thing to say, and yet it was proving frustratingly difficult…

"Uh, Shigeru?" she hesitantly began, her soft words like a sharp needle, popping my thought bubble. "This is difficult for me to ask, but… could you stay with Satoshi for a little while? There's a few people that I didn't get a chance to catch up with at the Christmas party, and…"

I raise my open hand up and exhaled softly as a grin travels across my lips, "Mrs. Tajiri, it's no trouble at all. Satoshi and I have some catching up to do, and I'm really not one for parties. Take all the time and enjoy yourself!" I say almost exuberantly. Wow, if this wasn't a stroke a luck… things seem to be falling right in place!

"Oh thank you!" Hanako exclaimed almost as happily as she clasps her hands, "you two have fun too!"

My grin shrinks to a half grin as my face freezes. I stop blinking. I see both her hands rush to her mouth as her eyes went wide.

So much for this being pure "luck".

"I'll… I'll just be going now," she stutters with an uneasy smile as she breaks the silence. She grabs her cerulean coat and hurriedly rushes to the door. "I'll, uh, call… before I come home."

I turned to face her, my face still frozen.

"And, uh… it'll be straight to bed for me when I get back! So… I'll see you tomorrow morn…" she pauses and swallows the word she had started to say, "afternoon… or sometime… bye!" she rushes out, leaving me dumbfounded.

So, gramps knows. Satoshi's mom knows. Just who _else_ knows?

I turn back around and my eyes slowly climb the stairs that lead up to Satoshi's room.

Could he know…?

`~~***~~`

Standing outside Satoshi's bedroom, I stare at the closed door. Actually, I've been staring at the closed door now for like ten minutes, motionless like the snowman we made. The last time I walked through this door was over six years ago. We were happy then, together, as friends. Would we be happy now, as something _more_?

I close my eyes and silently scold myself, "the answer isn't on this side of the door, idiot."

Maybe he's asleep… I don't hear anything. Maybe I should just leave…

It's Christmas Eve though… and it's just the two of us… it's perfect…

Assuming he feels the same way.

If he doesn't, well, then it is everything _but_ perfect.

My conflicting thoughts twist and swirl and begin to morph into frustration. Frustration that results in me kicking the door without realizing it until after the sound strikes my ears… or maybe it was just my subconscious giving me a kick in the…

The door swings open, and there he stands.

My eyes are wide, my mouth partially open, and again, I must come across as being as brain dead as the snowman.

"Shigeru!" the raven haired teen exclaims in what sounds like a mix of surprise and happiness. His expression then shifts to annoyance, "why'd you kick my door like that?"

"W-well, I…" I stutter as I quickly work to pick up my composure that I had dropped. "just wanted to give you fair warning that someone was at your door. You know, just in case you were looking at something on that computer of yours that would make your mom pass out in an instant if she walked in," I remark with a smirk.

"Like what?" he asks me as he cocks his head to the side in curiosity and question marks practically pop up over his hatless head.

I chuckle, the suggestive comment apparently flying as high over the poor boy's head as a Subame does in the sky. I shouldn't be surprised. He is _Satoshi_ after all. "Never mind. So, are you going to let me in your room, or do you have somebody stashed in your closet that you don't want me to see?"

He again appeared puzzled.

"It's just me. Pikachuu's partying with my other pocket monsters at the sensei's lab," he answers as he turns around and walks to his bed. He doesn't have any shoes on, just white socks, and apparently he had already changed into more comfortable clothing: a simple black t-shirt and blue jeans. Amazing how the teen could still look _fantastic_ even in something so simple. I notice him begin to hold his stomach, and an expression of discomfort shoots across his face.

"I heard you ate like a Bupigga at the party," I say with a grin as I stroll into his room and set my knapsack on his computer desk. I grab his black, swivel computer chair, swing it around so the back is facing me, and sit down. I cross my arms and allow them to hang over the top edge of the chair. I'm a good five feet from his bed.

Satoshi merely groans in response to my comment as he sits down on his bed, his hand still constantly pressing against his stomach - as if to prevent it from expanding to the size of a Kabigon's. He probably ate as much as a Kabigon…

I can't help but lightly laugh. So little had changed since I was in here last. Satoshi's blanket was the same: covered with monster balls. He still has that same poster on his wall of Kanna, Shiba, Kikuko and Wataru, the champions of Kanto. His nearly decade old alarm clock is in the shape of a monster ball. Copies of league battles sit in the form of VHS tapes next to his television.

"What's so funny?" he asks me as I notice the discomfort on his face begin to thaw.

"Nothing…" I answer as I take a second look around, shake my head, smile and exhale softly. I rest my chin on my crossed arms.

Nothing's changed.

I wish I hadn't.

"Your hair… it looks… _different_," he comments as I see his eyes examine each and every spiky point. Each and every _out of place_ spiky point. Great… he picks _now_ to be observant…

"You going to try and imitate this style now?" I coolly ask as I attempt to turn the subject of hair back on him. Sure, his hair isn't nearly as spiky as mine, but he had more than just a _few_ points cropping up across those layers of hair.

"I don't imitate… I have my _own_ way of doing things," he counters, and I can hear his words ride a distinct wave of pride.

"Can't argue with that," I say with a half smile and raised eyebrows as I deliberately attempt to get a rise out of him.

I see a momentarily twitch flash across his eyes and mouth, and I know that I've landed a hit. Getting Satoshi riled up is easily one of my favorite pastimes. Much to my surprise, a confident smirk emerges from his lips as he leans forward on the edge of his bed.

"I beat you, didn't I?"

Ouch. It seems the gears in his head _aren't_ completely frozen.

"I conquered the Battle Frontier. I beat the leader of the Orange Crew," I hear him go on. His smirk deepens. "Your turn."

"Well, fortune does favor a fool every now and then," I say with a casual shrug. "You must be a real jewel in fortune's eyes."

Another twitch. This one sparks noticeable irritation, and even… pain?

"Relax Satoshi," I say, not wanting to push him to the point where I inflict pain. There's been _more _than enough of that over the past six years. "Luck can only take a trainer so far. That plaque and trophy wouldn't be sitting on the fireplace mantle downstairs if you lacked skill… or imagination."

I see the irritation and pain diminish from his face, healed by my words, which also give growth to some happiness.

"Thanks," he softly says.

Silence enters the room, and our eyes meet.

"That battle of ours…" I start with a doting smile, "I still replay it in my mind."

"You do?" he asks with a few blinks of his cinnamon eyes. "Me too!"

I continue to smile, but also wonder, does he merely remember the battle for the pocket monsters and excitement, or does he remember the battle for some _other_ reason? He _did_ look sad when I announced I was going to pursue a different career…

"I don't think I ever pushed myself so hard…" I continue on, momentarily reliving the final moments of the battle we shared. I feel a warmth wraps itself around my heart like a blanket, "…or had as much fun."

"We should have a rematch," he eagerly suggests to me, then grins. "Bet I'll beat you again!"

"You're on!" I accept his challenge and return the grin. I half wish the world wasn't frozen at the moment, so we could do it all over again. "Keep in mind, I haven't spent _all_ my time buried in books, logging time on computers and stretching my legs with field work since I began my goal of becoming a researcher. I've had a battle or two since the Silver Convention."

"Good, 'cause it would be awful embarrassing if I managed to beat all _six_ of your pocket monsters with just _one_."

"You're full of more than just seasonal goodies, you know that?" I ask him with a chuckle.

"Don't remind me," he cries out with a groan. I see him look a little queasy again.

"Things… things will be different, this time," I say, although those words stir some anxiety and pain within me. I glance over at my knapsack, and Satoshi catches the glance.

"What's that?" he asks as he points to the knapsack that I had set on his desk. "Are you going somewhere?"

My eyebrow spikes. Going somewhere, tonight? On Christmas Eve? At a quarter to ten? With temperatures so cold amputation might be the only option after prolonged exposure?

Time to find out if he's just as gullible today as he was when we were kids…

"Actually, there's this whole new region that's _just_ been discovered," I begin as I watch Satoshi's face brightly light up like a Christmas tree, "_hundreds_ of new pocket monsters," I explain with false wonder and amazement. "I'm heading there tonight so that I can be one of the _first_ to see and interact with some of the new species."

"_Really_?" he begins with interest and excitement sharper than a Spear's stinger. "I'm going too!" he announces, jumping up from his bed.

"I thought you had a stomach ache?" I ask him with an arched eyebrow.

"I'll live! C'mon! We can go together!" he suggests as he rushes to his closet.

I spun around in the chair to face him, "Hang on Satoshi, I was just kidding."

The excitement quickly drains from his face and his body slows to that comparable to a Yadon. Maybe I shouldn't have done that… but he just makes it too easy.

"Oh…" he begins softly as he lowers his head a little.

Silently, I reprimand myself. I hate seeing him hurt, yet I do it time and again. What's _wrong_ with me?

"Hey," I begin, feeling this would be a good time to give him his present. This would _definitely_ cheer him up. "You know what's _really_ in my knapsack?"

He doesn't care. I can see it in his face and hear it when he asks, "what?"

"Your Christmas present."

I see his head quickly rise like a Gyarados' on the ocean surface and a look of surprise wash over it.

"M-my Christmas present?" he stutters, almost disbelievingly.

Of course he's suspicious. I've fooled him once tonight. He knows that I have a tendency to hurt him.

Not anymore.

"I think that's what I said." I say as I drop my brow in a playful expression, nod and grin at him. He's stunned, but in a good way. "Go ahead. Open up the knapsack."

I watch him rush over to the desk, and it reminds me of when we were young together, and his mother or gramps would call us in from outside for lunch. The boy sure could run… and often clumsily trip! But not tonight.

He opens the knapsack.

He smiles.

"Yeah, and you haven't even unwrapped it, yet," I say to him as I watch him pick up my present to him, concealed in Pikachuu wrapping paper. I feel his excitement, his anticipation, his happiness.

I even, feel a tear or two flaring up in my eyes.

I've missed feeling this way.

Satoshi eagerly, yet to my amusement, somewhat carefully, unwraps the wrapping paper. "I bet he'll save that," I say to myself as my grin deepens.

I see the expression on his face shift from happiness to beaming joy.

"I-it's.. a PokéDome!" he struggles to say. He's breathing harder now and there's even a slight tremble to his teenage body.

I see him hold the silver, rectangular, dual screen handheld device. It's closed at the moment, but I see him quickly open it. The clamshell design reveals two LCD screens. The top half of the device has a centered LCD screen with speakers on both the left and right sides of the screen. The bottom half also has a centered LCD screen, with a directional pad on the left and four buttons on the right.

"Sh-Shigeru…" Satoshi's voice cracks and breaks as his eyes remain on my gift. His hands are shaking. Not much, but they are.

"It'll help you achieve your goal," I say softly. "I checked with your mom first, and she said that you didn't have one, so…" my voice trails off as my grim softens to a smile.

"Th-these… aren't cheap… only the best," he swallows hard and his breathing remains heavy, "only the best trainers have these…"

He looks at me with teary eyes.

At least, this time, he's crying because he's happy.

I swallow and attempt to hold back my own tears. It's incredible how contagious his happiness is. "You better stop being clumsy… at least, when you're using that," I say with a smile. "If I'm going to be reduced to skin and bones, I at least want to see you get a _year's_ use out of that thing. You bust it before that, and I _might_ have enough strength left to come after you," I joke with him in a semi-threatening voice.

He doesn't say anything. He merely smiles the most beautiful smile.

"You… you are the best, in my eyes," I push myself to say. Now I'm trembling, but at least I'm able to hide it a little better since I'm sitting. I can't keep talking like this. I'll never hold up…

"I…" he pauses, clearly unsure whether he had actually heard me right, or if he had imagined those words. "I… am? Me?" he questions in disbelief. He breaks contact with my eyes and walks back to his bed. He sits down hard.

I look at him and wonder if I'm moving too fast with him tonight.

He stares down at his gift, but I get the feeling that he isn't thinking about the device in his hands.

I decide its time to shatter the silence. "Try not to cry all over your new PokéDome, okay?"

He wipes his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Why'd you say that?" he asks me in a weak voice as his eyes slowly meet mine.

I know what he's asking about, but I attempt to deflect the conversation by playing dumb and saying, "It's never a good idea to expose electronic devices…" but he interrupts me.

"Not that," he continues in the same, fragile voice.

My mouth opens, but my thoughts become trapped against a wall of apprehension.

"Did you mean it? I mean, did you _really_ mean that, or is it… like before?" he sounds scared when he asks me that. He looks it, too.

"Before?" I ask, although I should have realized what he was referring to.

"When…" he stops himself and tries to swallow whatever it is that is building inside of him, "…you used to call me a loser, and stuff."

The wall of apprehension is taken out by a wreaking ball. A wreaking ball that is fueled by annoyance and anger. I can't help it. I shouldn't feel mad, but I do. My voice isn't sympathetic. It isn't apologetic. It isn't soft.

"Satoshi, that was three and a half years ago. Can't you see that I've _changed_?"

He recoils. It was as if my words _physically_ hit him.

"So?" he asks as his face suddenly hardens and brow tightens. His voice is no longer soft or fragile and it raises to meet mine. He sets my gift on his bed and stands up. "You think I'm dumb, don't you?"

"_What_?" I exclaim as I nearly fall out of the chair I'm sitting in. "Where did _that_ come from?"

His lips tighten, and his annoyance clearly intensifies.

"What about all those nice things you used to say to me? Before we turned ten?"

"Your _point_?" I ask as my patience is eroded with irritation.

"Out of the blue, you started treating me like _dirt_," he shouts at me, but his anger can't conceal the pain. His voice drops noticeably. "You changed then, too, Shigeru."

His point is sharp and clear, now. So sharp, that I feel as if he has driven it straight through my heart. Not that I didn't deserve the pain.

He's right.

I look down, close my eyes, and wish that I could take all the pain I've caused him, and toss it into the blackness, never to be felt again.

Uneasiness eats away at my insides. "I know… I know. Satoshi, I wish I could explain to you why I treated you the way I did… but I can't. I just can't.

"Why not?" he demands to know.

My head shoots up at him and I stare fixedly into his eyes. "Because it's personal, okay?" I shout with a strained voice.

Satoshi maintains the intense stare at me, unsatisfied with the answer I had just given him. "What you did to me _was_ personal!"

I can see the hurt on his face, hear it in his words.

He isn't the only one hurting, though.

I guess though… if I ever hope to be a part of his life, I need to let him be a part of mine.

My eyes close and I look down. I exhale heavily.

This is going to hurt.

I lift my head, but I can't look at him directly. It's too much to bear.

"Do… do you remember the time you asked about my parents?" I ask him with a slight stutter. I can feel the blood rushing from my body.

I see him think for a moment, and then, he nods. He has calmed down a bit. "You said something about how your mom and dad own a large business in another region."

"Yeah…" I begin in a low voice as I try to swallow the sadness that is coming up on me. "I lied to you, Satoshi."

He tilts his head in curiosity, but says nothing.

My breathing becomes a little erratic as I again swallow, "a few weeks after I turned six, gramps came up to my room one night and took me into his arms. He was trembling, and I felt his tears on my face…" my eyes are burning, but I _won't_ cry…

"Shigeru…" he says my name barely above a whisper, and I think, I think he knows.

"Yeah…" I acknowledge, nearly choking on that one, simple word.

His eyes blink faster, and there is a slight glisten to them. I don't want him to cry for me.

"My parents were gone," I start again as I briefly wipe my eyes. "Gone forever from my life."

"I… I remember. Th-that's when you and your grandfather left town for a couple of weeks. You left without telling me," he says. There is no annoyance, just… a kind understanding.

I nod slightly, "when we came back to Masara, I forced myself to stuff all my sadness in a bottle and tossed the bottle away from me. I didn't want to feel bad anymore…" I pause and resume my stare into his eyes, "and I didn't want to make you feel sad."

"Shigeru…" he begins with a couple shakes of his head and a furrowed brow, "you should have told me. I could've helped you… someway…" his voice drops off, apparently unsure of what he could have done, but I still appreciate the notion.

"You did," I say with a half smile. "We spent our mornings together, the afternoons together, and the evenings, too. You… you helped to make me happy again," I pause and shake my head from side to side, "after I forgot what happiness was like or how to feel it."

He offers me a sympathetic smile, but it was a smile that still lacked understanding.

"The more and more time I spent with you, the more and more I associated you with happiness," I continue, my words flowing closer together as I felt an eagerness rush me to finally explain what happened between us, "when I wasn't with you, I felt empty and alone. As I got older though, and our adventures on gramps' preserve grew bigger…" I slow as the words become more emotionally soaked, "and… _riskier_ - like the time that you got stuck headfirst in that Sand burrow and it scratched up both sides of your face - and I began to have nightmares of you," my words practically grind to a halt as my face freezes, "being gone forever, just like my parents." I quickly shake my head from side to side and seal my eyes shut, "I… I couldn't face that. I couldn't survive that."

My heart feels like its being torn up in a blender. Confronting these feelings… and fears… again is not a reunion that I wanted to have.

I take a deep breath and open my eyes. I see understanding come to life on his face.

"So… you pushed me away," he quietly says with momentous realization.

It's like a six year old wall between us is starting to crumble.

We're starting to see each other, again.

I nod, my lower lip trembling a little, "I… I thought if I cut you off from my life, I would never have to worry about feeling like I did after my parents were gone."

"I didn't know… I didn't understand why you wanted to stop being my friend, so you tried to make _me_ hate you," he softly says.

"Insults, taunts… I thought if I made you feel bad enough, you'd forget about our friendship."

"I couldn't…"

"I know," I say as I slightly lower my head and close my eyes. "I remember when you found me, on the ground, at the Tokiwa City gym. You held me… even after I had spent the year mocking you and insulting you… I was so shocked that you somehow still cared about me," I recall as I open my eyes and lock with his again. "But I wasn't ready to take the chance. I still didn't think I could handle it if you were a major part of my life, and then…" I stop, unable to bring myself to continue. I lower my head again. My body is tense and my stomach feels as if a six on six pocket monster battle is being waged inside of it, but a part of me feels relief. Relief that he at last knows the truth.

Some of the truth, that is.

I don't know if I can handle any more truth tonight…

"Shigeru…" he starts as he begins to smile, "I'm glad you finally told me. Our friendship means a lot to me, and now, it means more to me than ever before."

I return the smile. "I am, too."

For a moment, our eyes remain fixed on each other. Our smiles remain steady. I contemplate whether now is the right time…

The decision is made for me.

Sadness is now ripping across his face.

"Satoshi?"

I see him pick up my gift once again, and he looks at it.

"I didn't get you anything…"

Oddly, I feel a sense of relief. Not getting me a gift was certainly nothing to get upset over! I decide to use this opportunity to try and lighten the mood.

"_Oh really_?" I ask in a long, drawn-out voice as I fake a saddened expression. "Well, I guess I have no choice then," I shake my head and sigh, "I'll just take back my gift, get a refund, and buy _myself_ the present I was expecting from you."

I see the sadness in his face deepen as he closes the PokéDome and sets it down. I guess my kidding around just bounced right off him. The guilt of not getting me anything must be covering his body like a second layer of skin.

"No, Satoshi," I began quickly as I stand up and approach him. "I was just joking with you. This is yours. I want you to have it," I tell him, now standing not more than a few feet from him. "I wasn't expecting anything from you when I bought the PokéDome, really. Why would I? I mean…" my voice trails off and I sigh. "It's my fault that we stopped buying gifts for each other and it's my fault that we stopped spending this time of the year together," I remind him as I feel an ache building in my chest.

He looks at me with those soft chestnut eyes, but they don't stay focused on my face for long. I see them drift down. He sees my half of our monster ball.

"You've never worn that around your neck before," he curiously observes.

"Yeah, well… my pendant is currently being worn by someone else right now," I say, motioning to the window. I place my hands in my pockets. "You like it?"

"Sure," he answers. His eyes again line up with mine. "Shigeru, why?"

"Why what?"

"Why tonight?"

"Why tonight what?"

"You know what I mean," he responds, clearly becoming a tad flustered. "The necklace, the present, the explanation, the compliments."

I guess he's starting to see a pattern… a pattern that seems, in his mind, to be leading up to something.

He's right.

Maybe.

"It _is_ Christmas Eve, you know," I reply with a casual shrug. "Gift giving is sorta common place." I half expected him to roll his eyes at me for giving such an obvious answer.

"Shigeru…" he takes his time saying my name, "this is the first present you've given me in _six_ years," his voice quakes a little, but he continues, "the same night you spring this surprise on me, you come over wearing your half of our monster ball. What's up?"

"Maybe… maybe I'm just ready to be good friends with you again," I start as I swallow hard. I like the direction this conversation is headed, but it still isn't easy to just cruise on through.

"We're already good friends though," he says to me with a puzzled look dancing across his face. "We talk over the phone, we write letters, we do things together when we're in the same towns."

I can feel the tension hardening in my body. "Satoshi," I start as gently grasp my half of our monster ball and hold it up to him. "What does _this_ mean to _you_?"

He blinks a few times as his eyes drift from mine, to the half of the monster ball, and then, back to my eyes, "well… it reminds me of you. That's why I carry it with me when I travel. Having my half of our monster ball makes me feel like a part of you is with me."

I smile at his explanation and some of tension in my body crumbles.

"I carry things that remind me of all my friends that aren't with me. I have Kasumi's handkerchief, a picture that Tohru took, a sketch of Kenji's…"

My smile falters and my eyes and attention drifts as Satoshi goes on and on about all the mementos he carries with him from region to region.

My heart sinks.

I guess his half of our monster ball is no more important to him than any of the other keepsakes he carries…

"Shigeru?"

"Y-yeah?" I answer him, my voice clearly giving away the fact that I was startled. My eyes return to his.

"Your turn."

"My turn?"

"Yeah… you going to tell me what your half of our monster ball means to you?"

There is a pause.

There is a ravenous, gnawing pain.

There is no point…

"No," I say with a shake of my head. I let my half of the monster ball fall back against my skin.

"What do you mean 'no'?" he asks in what I take to be an annoyed tone. He's scowling at me, now.

I don't care.

"You do know what 'no' means, don't you?" I snap at him. "It's a pretty simple word, even for a simple person like _you_."

His forehead becomes scrunched and shows noticeable signs of agitation, his lips flatten and his jar clenches, "of course I do," he shoots back.

"Then I'll repeat: no, as in not happening," I say in a forceful tone as I close the gap between us and glare directly into his eyes. We're close enough to kiss, but I doubt that's going to happen now…

"What's wrong with you?" he counters loudly, "one minute, you say you want to be friends with me and the next minute you're acting like a jerk again!"

"Better a jerk…" I begin strongly before an emptiness begins to swallow my body, my face relaxes and voice dips, "…than a fool." I turn my head away from him.

"A fool!" he shouts at me and out of the corner of my eye, I see his hands tighten into fists.

"Not you!" I shout back as I briefly face him again. I then move away from him. I begin rubbing my temple. "Me," I finish as my voice chokes.

"Huh?" I hear him ask as I make my way towards his bedroom window. I place my hands on the windowsill and lean forward a little. I stare out into the cold, blue and white world. "Shigeru, I don't understand…"

"Neither do I," I say as I stare at my own reflection.

I peer into my own eyes, and I see nothing but a dense storm of confusion.

"Well, maybe if we talk about it… we'll both understand."

He's calmed down. I can tell by his voice. He's trying to be helpful now, something of which he is so good at…

"Shigeru?"

I feel his hand on my shoulder. I straighten up and let go of the windowsill. I slowly turn to face him, and my uneasy eyes meet his concerned ones. I lean back, my hands again grasping onto the windowsill. I look down at the ground and stair at it momentarily as I attempt to assemble some strength. I feel though that strength may be built with cardboard play bricks…

"Satoshi," I start with much hesitation as I look back up at him. "I want to start … seeing … someone, but I don't know how that someone is going to react."

"Oh?" he asks with a tilt of his head.

My lips tighten and my eyes narrow slightly. Well that was slightly annoying.

"Yeah," I say quickly before my voice has a chance to crack. I swallow hard.

"Anybody I know? Maybe I've heard something."

"Well, you could say that," I say with a light laugh.

Satoshi just looked at me. So that was too subtle…

"You asked me about my half of our monster ball…" I begin, but he cuts me off.

"Wait, you didn't tell me…"

"I will, I will," I quickly cut back in. "But… I think I'll be able to answer both your questions at once," I begin as I feel my heartbeat increase. I feel a tremble work its way across my body, as if several Golone are performing earthquake. "I carry my half of our monster ball with me, too, and it reminds me of you, and your drive to become a master trainer…"

I see him nod as he attentively listens.

"We caught that monster ball together, Satoshi, and…" I can feel and hear my voice breaking as both fear and relief begin rushing to the surface of my heart and soul, "… and, when we're together, that's when I feel the most alive and happy…" I'm terrified of what he's thinking, but at the same time, it feels so good to finally let these feelings fly free, "… and that's why I want to be together, with you, for the rest of my life."

There, I said it.

For better or for worse, I said it.

Now, I can either live happily ever after with Satoshi, or walk outside and freeze to death.

"I like you too, Shigeru," I hear him say with a warm and wide smile. "Friends for life!"

I slap my forehead.

Great… just great. Over the head again…

"Satoshi," I begin with a gulp, "that's not it," I say with a heavy sigh. "Look," I attempt again as I take hold of my half of our monster ball for a second time. "This is one half. It's not complete."

"I can see that."

"If I connect it with your half, it'll be whole again," I continue to explain.

"I'm not stupid, Shigeru."

"No, just dense," I correct him. I see his eyebrows lower in irritation. "Just listen. Without your half, the monster ball is incomplete. That's how I feel about you. Without you, I feel incomplete."

Satoshi stared blankly at me.

"I want to start seeing _you_!" I bluntly scream in his face.

"You are seeing me. If you want to get together more often, we could…"

"Oh come on now! You know what I mean. Don't act like you don't!" I shouted, frustration coursing through my veins.

"No Shigeru… I don't… r-really…"

I throw my hands and head up in the air.

"I," I begin as I point to myself with my thumb, "_want_ to be with _you_," I finish as I point at him with my index finger.

"For what?"

"To use you as my personal punching bag!" I sharply shout at him.

"Hey!"

Silence.

"You had it coming…" I mutter after a few moments, before allowing a smile to crack across my face. It's so ridiculous, it's funny, and I could never stay mad at him for long.

"And you have this coming…"

His lips press against mine, and the heavenly warmth of the kiss spreads through my entire body and melts away every thought in my mind, except for one,

"Now, we're whole…"

* * *

The End

* * *

There is a _chance_ I'll do a second chapter, but it depends on whether you guys/gals enjoyed this oneshot and have any interest in seeing more. If I do another chapter, it'll be up either on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day


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